Grief in conversations?

Grief in Conversation: My Journey from Causing Hurt to Healing Connections 😔💬✨

I used to believe that being honest and direct in conversations was always the right approach. But I’ve learned through experience that grief is the normal and natural reaction to the loss of any kind—even in conversation. After many, many years of studying to understand the emotion of GRIEF and the different ways and areas it shows up in our lives, I now understand that some of my words have unintentionally caused grief; they undermined the emotional safety, support, and respect that others needed. Let me share three personal experiences where I caused someone pain, how I came to recognize the impact of my actions, and what I did to make amends. 🌱💖

Defining My Grief in Conversation 📝

Grief isn’t limited to life’s major losses. It can manifest in the everyday moments when our words or actions can negatively impact someone else, whether it’s feeling a loss of:

• Safety 🛡️ – the sense of security that allows them to share freely,

• Support 🤗 – the comfort of knowing someone is there to listen and care, or

• Respect 🙌 – the acknowledgment of their worth and contributions.

When I recognize that my words caused this kind of loss, I believe, it became my responsibility to learn, grow, and reach out to repair the relationship.

1. How I Realized I Affected Someone's Safety 🚪🔒

What Happened: During a team meeting, I shared some feedback with a colleague about how a project was handled. I said, > "It seems like this could’ve been planned more carefully—were you fully aware of the instructions at the start?”

What It Caused: At first, I thought I was just providing constructive input. But I later realized that my wording made them feel like their competence was in question. They stopped participating in meetings for a while, and I noticed that they seemed hesitant to share their ideas. I’d unintentionally created a situation where they no longer felt safe to speak up. 😔

What I Learned and Did: I decided to approach them privately to apologize. I explained that my intention had never been to make them feel unsafe but that I could see how my choice of words might have done so. I asked how I could better communicate feedback and committed to framing future conversations with empathy and encouragement. This conversation helped us rebuild trust, and I saw them reengage in discussions over time. 🤝✨

2. How I Affected Someone Feeling  Supported Without Meaning To 🤗💔

What Happened: A colleague once shared with me that they were feeling overwhelmed by a big project. I responded with something like, > "Everyone’s busy these days—it’s just the nature of the job."

What It Caused: In my attempt to normalize their feelings, I completely missed an opportunity to acknowledge their stress. My response left them feeling dismissed and unsupported when they were looking for empathy. 😞

What I Learned and Did: Thankfully, this colleague approached me later and shared how my response had made them feel. I listened without interrupting and realized the importance of validating someone’s emotions, even when I’m tempted to offer a “logical” explanation. I apologized sincerely and thanked them for giving me the chance to learn from the experience. Going forward, I made a conscious effort to actively listen and validate the struggles of those around me, ensuring they know I care. 💌🤗

3. How I Realized I Diminished Someone’s Respect 🙇‍♀️💔

What Happened: In a fast-paced departmental meeting, I dismissed a suggestion from a teammate by saying, > "I think we’ve already considered that, and it’s probably not the best fit."

What It Caused: Although my intention was to keep the meeting moving, I later noticed that they seemed withdrawn and reluctant to share new ideas. I came to understand that my phrasing came across as dismissive and devalued their contribution. 😕💔

What I Learned and Did: After reflecting on the situation, I decided to approach them directly. I apologized for how my words may have come across and expressed that I valued their input. I asked for their thoughts on how we could revisit their idea and let them know I’d work on creating space for everyone’s voice to be heard. Their response was gracious, and the experience taught me to be more mindful of how I respond, especially under pressure. 🙏💪

What I’ve Learned: Do’s and Don’ts for Healthier Conversations ✅❌

Through these experiences, I’ve developed a few principles that guide how I communicate:

1. Preserve Emotional Safety 🔐

• Do: Choose language that helps others feel secure, using “I” statements (e.g., “I think…” or “I feel…”) to frame feedback constructively. 💬💞

• Don’t: Make comments that could be perceived as accusatory or critical in tone. Avoiding assumptions goes a long way in maintaining a safe space for dialogue. 🚫😟

2. Offer Genuine Support 🤗

• Do: Listen actively and validate others’ emotions. Saying, “I hear you, and that sounds challenging,” can make someone feel truly seen. 👂❤️

• Don’t: Dismiss someone’s struggles with statements like, “That’s just the way it is.” It can leave them feeling unheard and unsupported. 🚫😔

3. Uphold Mutual Respect 🙌

• Do: Show respect for others’ contributions, even in disagreement, by saying things like, “I appreciate your perspective—I wonder if we could explore it further.” 🗣️💓

• Don’t: Respond in ways that could belittle someone’s input, especially in group settings. Public dismissals can leave lasting scars. 🚫💔

Healing the Hurt: Three Steps I Took to Restore Relationships 🌱💪

Once I realized the grief my words had caused, I took proactive steps to repair the relationships:

1. Started Honest Conversations 🗣️💖: I reached out to the people I had hurt, acknowledged my mistakes, and shared my reflections. I apologized sincerely and openly, which set the foundation for healing.

2. Listened Without Defensiveness 👂💬: I gave them the space to express how my words had affected them and made an effort to truly understand their pain. Listening without interrupting allowed us to rebuild mutual respect.

3. Committed to Changing My Communication Style 🤝✨: Together, we agreed on ways to ensure our conversations in the future would feel more supportive and respectful. I made a conscious effort to pause and choose my words carefully, and they felt more comfortable expressing themselves.

Here’s the RAINBOW 🌈

These experiences have been humbling but transformative. I’ve learned that grief in conversation arises when we are responsible for the scenario that seems to take something—safety, support, respect, etc…—away from someone else. Recognizing this has motivated me to be more thoughtful in my communication and more active in repairing the harm I cause, whether intentional or not. By approaching conversations with greater empathy and openness, I’ve seen relationships heal and grow stronger. 🌟💞

Have you ever had to repair a relationship after realizing the impact of your words? What did you do?  Need help with your journey in “watching your words”?

Let’s Connect!!!  I’ve been there, done that (and will surely do it again) and know how to support you. 💬💓🙌